


Nuts!

by tqpannie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-11
Updated: 2009-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-25 08:26:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10760457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tqpannie/pseuds/tqpannie
Summary: Ron picks up a magazine that disturbs him.





	Nuts!

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** From [](http://madam-minnie.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://madam-minnie.livejournal.com/)**madam_minnie** who gave me Harry/Ron discussing fuzzy nut sacs. *heads desk*  
>  A/N: This is wrong on so many levels.

I thought I was going to have a nice wank while I was waiting for Harry to come home. Now—my mind won't shut off long enough to wank.

I was in Turks and Velvets and the title "Amateur Wizards for Blokes". It was intriguing and I thought why not. I mean Harry and I subscribed to Wizards Weekly but it was more to get ideas than real porn. This was real porn done by wizards just like Harry and I.

I came home and I have to admit I was a bit uncomfortable in my trousers. I thought it might be fun to let Harry catch me wanking.

I opened the magazine and saw two men and the one…Well his bullocks were hairy. I mean fuzzy and I had never seen furry nuts.

This got my mind going in completely the wrong direction! I wondered if having a beard was an indication that you had a fuzzy nut sac. What if you were an Animagus? Did that mean Dumbledore, Remus, and Sirius all had furry nut sacs?

"Ron?"

"Ron?"

I was still staring at the picture in the magazine with something like horror I was sure on my face and I didn't look up until Harry snapped his fingers in front of my eyes.

"Harry! It's not what you think!" I felt my face heat up and I stammered. "See it's like this. I thought I'd welcome you home with a bit of a show but…now I can't get Dumbledore, Sirius, and Remus out of my head."

Harry groans, "Tell me someone didn't sell pictures of them to a magazine. We'll never have sex again if we have to see naked Dumbledore."

"No, see," I hand Harry the magazine. "He has a furry nut sac. I've never seen ones like that and I wondered why—I mean do you reckon Dumbledore with that beard?"

Harry holds up his hand and frowns, "We will not discuss Dumbledore's bollocks if you want to shag ever again. "  
"Okay then, " I sigh. "Remus and Sirius! I mean they were Animagus! Do they have furry nut sacs and did the hair get stuck in their teeth?"

A grimace crosses Harry's face and he tosses the magazine across the room.

"Ron, this is just like the time you rented that Muggle movie Holes thinking it was a porn. The only nut sacs you need to be concerned with are mine. "

"Well Holes sounded like a porn," I whimper as Harry lowers himself on top of me. "Doesn't it even make you curious?"

"No, because," Harry mutters and he tugs my shirt over my head. "Your nut sac isn't fuzzy and I never have hair stuck in my teeth."

I whimper as he presses open mouth kisses to the waist of my jeans and banishes them. He nuzzles me through my pants before banishing them right along with my trousers.

"Now," Harry grins up at me. " I'm going to spend a bit of time exploring your nut sacs and make sure they have no fuzz. I'll research it."

My eyes roll back in my head as Harry suckles my bollocks, "I love research."


End file.
